I had the "opportunity" to run into the nearest mega-store this morning to pick up a couple of shirts I needed for work.
My mindset hasn't changed much since coming into the season of dual-incomes; my mindset still remains one that 6 years of self-employment taught: extremely frugal. EXTREMELY.
Flashback to those few years; we never knew when the next paycheck was going to come in.
It was a period of time when the world would dictate that I worry, stress and completely freak out about when the bills would be paid. (Never mind what we wanted, we're talking basic needs.)
Despite what the world dictated, God was teaching us something completely opposite, upside-down from the norm.
He was teaching us a few of the basics of faith. To trust Him. He'll supply our needs.
And repeatedly, He proved the truth in His word. Over and over again, month after month, year after year.
So much so, that there was absolutely no elevation in the blood pressure whatsoever when the electric company would show up to turn off power for nom-payment. I knew that I knew we'd have a check in the mail that day.
Once I started grasping hold of the remote possibility of truth in His word, my eyes were opened to each and every time He provided.
Right when we needed it.
Fast forward to this morning:
I write the check for my purchase, gather my bags, and head for the parking lot mindlessly.
As the door closes is my car, I have a sickening realization, which begins a brief but powerful conversation.
Me: "This is what normal people do. Everyday."
: "Yep. How'd it feel?"
Me: .........."Empty..."
I wondered. I thought. I prayed, and I listened.
I recalled my mindset as I speed-shopped; frugal, minimal.
I recalled my thought process as I whipped out my wallet; easy-breezy. Not a care in the world, because gone were the days I'd be praying for the money to be in the account when it was time to pay.
I realized my thoughts as I walked to the car were somewhere along the lines of, "Ah, so that's what it's like..."
All of them, empty; self-centered, and god-less.
All of a sudden I understood why my family was moved to where it was.
I understood why we both had to work.
Not just the immediate, surface, bill-paying reasons, but the deep down, 'what's-your-purpose-in-this,-God' reason.
We knew what it was like to live that life, a long time ago. Back then I had no idea that my interaction with God could be anything other than, "Sure, I believe...?"
In the stripping away that happened the next couple years, when we lost every physical possession we ever wanted and worked hard for, it was then that we gained the most valuable relationship.
And life became very deep. Not because of what we were going through, but because of the WHO we were going through it with.
Faith established, new standards and new levels of understanding of Truth became the norm in my life. Character refined, and healing occurred.
******
For a while now, I've associated the season of our worldly struggles with the place we'd be closest to God, so I was jarred a bit when our station in life changed rapidly.
We live in a neighborhood now, with awesome neighbors, fantastic jobs that have been, without a doubt, tailor-made for each of us.
Very...Normal...
and yet, I cringed; like something was very wrong. Things were so different than they used to be, I began to wait for the other shoe to drop.
It hasn't come.
{I always fought "normal."
One of my favorite sayings in "Normal is boring." I always wanted to be juuuust a bit different than everyone else. Not to gather attention, but to NOT be one of the mindless masses.
So when we were in our season of hardships, during the stripping away, I didn't see this happening to anyone else, so I knew this wasn't "normal". But the strengthening relationship with God gave me peace in all of it.}
But week by week, another piece of the puzzle is laid before me.
Nowhere close to revealing the big picture in it's entirety, but each piece, put together with the previous pieces, makes more sense to my part in all of it.
******
So, without being able to piece this all together as eloquently as I hoped, I think that's why I felt so empty after shopping this morning.
I used to live my every day that way, without any need for the divine.
Without any holy, bigger-than-me connection.
Without a hunger for truth.
And yet, here I am, in the same situation that led me down the road to change that perspective.
Back into the life that led me to step away from the ordinary.
Back into the life that brought me no peace, but now with a growing perspective of life lived outside the ordinary box.
Without jumping to conclusions, I believe there just might be something huge in this...
