A couple of months ago, a friend of ours in church asked me
if I wanted to sing with her.
For some crazy reason, I said yes.
Let me give you a little background…
I have not sung in church (apart from hymns with the rest of
the congregation), or in front of anyone else, for that matter, in probably 30
years.
With that being said, when my friend sings in church, a
little bit of heaven pours into our little country church. Her songs are sometimes chosen by her, other
times she’s led by the Holy Spirit to sing a particular song. No matter who chooses the song, it moves
everyone who’s witness to it. When she
sings, she ushers in the Spirit of God, reviving, renewing, and so often,
comforting.
Her fearlessness when she sings.
Her urgency TO sing.
Her flawless voice; her simple guitar.
Altogether, it’s a combination that brings His Presence, as
a present for us… a gift.
So, you can imagine my shock when I heard the words of
agreement fall out of my mouth when she asked me to sing.
An inkling of fear instantly struck me. Not the kind that makes me crawl into a deep
dark hole, but the kind that makes me wonder, ‘what the heck did I just agree
to…’
Not thinking anything of it, I went on. Set aside time to practice with her,
cancelled those practice times. Told her
I couldn’t sing alone, that I don’t want to sing alone, because I was terrified
of just how bad my voice would be. And
thinking about it now, she always looked at me kind of funny. Now I realize why. But I’ll get to that.
My friend’s gift is worship.
It oozes out of her person, in everything she does. We recognize it through her music,
mostly. She is extremely aware of God
all around her, so she worships. It’s
what He created her to do, and she does it, beautifully. God uses her gift of worship to reach people
everywhere she goes, be it church, the grocery store, spending time with
friends, her children’s school…
Another friend is gifted with worship as well. She’s our worship leader at church, she leads
the choir. The amazing thing about this friend
is her hearing is failing! She is such
an inspiration, because what some people would see as a cruel joke – a love and
passion for music and worship – and the one sense we most outwardly utilize for
worship – hearing; hers is diminishing.
But she keeps on. God
does the amazing, and He’s ingrained her with such a passion for Him, and a
passion for worshipping Him, that she cannot stop, even now. I believe God is heightening her other senses. Music and worship is so ingrained into her
being, that she can play the piano, and hear the notes in her heart, sung and
played to the One who holds her whole heart.
She taught herself to play music, so she can worship.
Let that sink in…
Hello…that’s intense!!
These women, have played a huge role in the lesson I’ve been
learning from all my studies, and time in prayer…they may not know it yet, but
they will very soon.
Lately, in my schooling and my own Bible studies, I’m being
absolutely bombarded with scriptural references to the Body of Christ. As the church, I’m learning just what we’re
supposed to be doing, how we’re supposed to be treating one another, what the
purposes for our gifts are…
Gifts! That’s where I
was going with this!
Out of all the references I’m getting to the Body of Christ,
the ones that are hitting home the most lately are the ones about gifts. Selfishly, I can look back at the last few
months and say that I was interested in those mostly because I wondered what my
gift was. And I slowly came to realize,
there’s a bigger picture…
I knew the Lord had a lesson for me in there, somewhere…
Ephesians 4:11-12…”He gave some apostles, some prophets,
some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers. His purpose was to equip God’s people for
the work of serving and building up the body of Christ…”
Ephesians 4:7…”God has given his grace to each one of us
measured out by the gift that is given by Christ.”
Philippians 2:3-4…”Don’t do anything for selfish purposes
(ouch), but with humility think of others as better than yourselves (ouch,
again). Instead of each person watching
out for their own good, watch out for what is better for others.”
Wow…each of us is given gifts, and we’re supposed to use
those gifts to help build up the body!!
I totally get it now!
How awesome!
But I had no idea what this looked like.
Until yesterday, when God dropped the weight of it in my lap. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes could now see what had been happening;
my brain finally put it all together.
All this time I’d been wondering what my gift was, so
I could share it with the body, with the church. So I could help build up the
body. (“Me, me, me, I, I, I…” Sorry for the movie quote. It’s what just came to mind.)
Whenever God teaches me something, it’s very personal, very
real, and usually huge, & life-affecting to me. I can’t just learn something from reading the
Word, or hearing someone talk about it.
I can do that all day long, but I’ve learned that the second I try to
teach what I’ve heard someone else teach, I become the world’s biggest
hypocrite. The lesson has to be real in
my life first, in order for me to share it.
That’s how I knew that somehow, in some way, this “body of
Christ” bombardment was going to be big for me.
I was sitting at the computer yesterday, thinking about how
both of my worshipping friends have encouraged me to do this singing
thing. I was guilt-ridden over previous judgments
I’d held, technically stupid, closed-minded things, then convicted for it,
especially when these people were telling me I had nothing to fear, building me…up…so…
Much…
Oh God.
Here I was, in my absolute Arrogance, thinking I had
something to bring to this body of believers.
Here I was, thinking I was something.
Thinking I had something they needed.
Thinking I knew something they didn’t.
Woe.
In that few moments, I was humbled, I was convicted. My eyes were opened wide, and then shut in
shame.
But Love showed me the lesson, and I was excited!!
Again, the Lord taught me, made it real, made it
personal. He always does it by using a
perspective different than my own. This time,
he used my friends to show me, personally, what it looks like for the body of Christ
to use their gifts to build up the body.
How it’s depicted in scripture.
With the lesson came such an overwhelming feeling of
love. I cannot explain it… I felt an unbelievable love for my friends
who shared their gift. For using their
gift to inspire me, to build me up, to share the love of the Father with
me. Whether they knew it or not, they
were the instruments of a powerful lesson for me, one that will be poured out
to the words of “My Hope is in You”, in a week and a half. Now that I’m grasping the lesson, I’ll be able
to pour out my heart to the Lord with my song, with a tremendous sense of
gratitude, with no fear, and free from judgment.
The whole lesson is making my look at the church I go to
differently. How many times has God used
these people to teach a lesson I was too arrogant to see? How many times have I judged these
people? Oh God, how long have I not
loved these people, not just humanly loved them, but love them as You love
them?? I’m still taking in the weight of
the lesson… sure, the brick load fell yesterday, but the dust is still settling…
My friend looking at me funny when I’d tell her I couldn’t
sing by myself: she knew I’d sing. Maybe not in the understanding of what would
get me there, but she knew. I believe
that she was under orders from higher headquarters to ask me to sing. (Her willing spirit is also inspiring!)
It’s not like I’m a wonderful singer. I’ve watched too many episode of American Idol
to know that I do not have a voice that is anything special. But, it is the voice God gave to me, to
praise Him with. If He loves it, then I guess
I can use it to glorify Him.
To sing is to use your voice. I’m learning that my voice is within, and
that voice better expresses itself with words, once I slow down my thought
process enough to hear the words between the thoughts. This lesson is giving me more confidence to
share my words, it’s helping me find my inner voice, and to tune in more to the
One who gave me that voice.
I can’t thank my friends enough, for being willing to be
used by God.
Beautiful instruments, played together for a glorious
orchestra.
