Did you ever hear the one about the selfish woman who was being transformed? No? Wanna hear it?
Here it goes...
I'm not really sure what the heck I've been doing the last few months. If you were to ask me what kind of "productive contribution" I've made to my household, I'm not sure I'd be able to answer you. Sure, I've cooked, and cleaned, & laundered every stitch of clothing we own (most likely in the same two week period). I've shopped for groceries and clothes for a boy who won't quit growing, & taken dogs to the vet fifteen million times. I've made lunches, made phone calls, and made it to the utility companies just before closing time. I've dreamed, I've prayed, I've done homework (mine & the boy's), I've written (people have written NOVELS in the time I've been dorkin' around), and I've served.
About the only thing I haven't done is bring in a paycheck.
After looking at the above list of things I've done, some of you may jump on the "girl, if you're doing all that you shouldn't need a paycheck!" bandwagon. And some of you may choose the "If I can do all that with a job, so can you." train. I beg that you read the rest of this before you jump on anything.
I've always worked. From the age of sixteen on, I've always had a job, if not two. I enjoy working, it keeps me physically busy. Some jobs challenged my mind, others challenged my body, and others challenged both. So having a job is not something I've ever had a problem with.
My issue has always been time away from my family. A stint in the military brought that home for me, deployment after deployment, unannounced 12-hour shift after unannounced 12-hour shift, cancelled weekend after cancelled days off. After leaving the military, I went in the completely opposite direction, choosing self employment over a job outside the home. This allowed me to work with my husband, be available to take and drop off our son at school, appointments at all times of the day for whatever reason - school programs and awards ceremonies, vet appointments, doctor's appointments, fishing, etc.)
I got spoiled. I love being with my family!
Fast forward a few years. Last fall, my husband found a fantastic job. FANTASTIC... for him (and for me). He got a steady paycheck, and I was free to do whatever I wanted. His paycheck was substantial enough for me to not need to worry about getting a job. (I could stay at home! YAY! A job I'd never had but always wanted!!)
A long time ago, after the economy went south, we decided that we'd never have debt again. We learned an important lesson that our family was more important than "stuff", so if accumulating debt was going to put us in a situation where we'd have to leave our time together to pay off that debt, it just wasn't worth it, in our eyes.
Sigh... Yes, of course we accumulated more debt. Go figure. Sometimes you have to screw up twice to learn the lesson...
So my husband has this great job, and we're paying all our bills on time, and blah blah blah.
Except, our debt wasn't going away.
Goals and dreams, and plans and schemes, they're all great if a couple is working towards them together. And, for every couple, that "working towards them together" looks different.
"I" thought we'd be able to stick to a strict budget. A strict budget that would pay our monthly obligations, and tackle the debt, little by little. "He" thought I'd get bored after a month off and get a job.
Seven months later, here we are, and here's what we have.
A husband who's frustrated, and a clueless, self-absorbed wife.
Sure, I listened to his frustrations, but I dismissed them, not willing to mess with my own agenda: my leisurely life of (say this out loud in a dreamy, wispy, fairy-tale voice) "writing, praying and serving the least..." (HA. I sounded like Mrs. Doubtfire...)
And I did this for six months. SIX MONTHS. (I'm surprised he's still married to me.)
The bricks of my "agenda" started loosening about the six month mark. I wasn't as productive, I wasn't as creative. Sure I was busier, but that was just the weak mortar patches in my wall called selfishness.
I had been praying for my husband before: "Lord, promote him in his job. Give him peace in his job. Give him satisfaction in his job. Blah. Blah. Blah."
One morning, I didn't know what else to pray for him. So I simply asked God to answer his prayers, and not mine.
Then something happened.
I was being made aware of one thing he was wrestling with, day after day. All of a sudden, I felt his frustrations; like they were my own. I felt his hopelessness, I understood his lack of motivation and inability to dream. And I knew why.
All of a sudden, I could fully see that if we kept on the same path, it would take us til we were 130 years old to accomplish our goals... have some land in the woods, a little house, be debt free. Simple enough, yet I wasn't helping in any one of the ways I could to accomplish those goals. I'd left it all up to him.
Humbled, I told him I'd get a job.
And wouldn't ya know, I'm excited about getting a job! I have no doubt that it was part of the transformation that had to happen. (Of course, he's elated, too!)
I'm excited because now both of us can see the finish line. I'm excited because I'm now contributing to our goals. I'm excited because I'm able to do something to bring peace to him.
And if it gives my husband hope again; my chosen partner in this life, my other half, my best friend; well, then, every bit of it is worth it.
