Planning:
Start making lists.
Who's going? Ask every single teenager you know. Beg if you have to.
(You won't get a final number until the last minute, but totally sweat it. Put it on your "to-do" list every day for two months. Send hundreds of texts, Facebook tags, Facebook messages, emails, phone calls, etc.)
Point of Contact / Event Coordinator:
Wait to contact them until only a couple weeks away from the event. It's okay, they don't have enough to do, and now they have to scramble to get extra tickets for your group, which, by the way, you don't even know the size of yet.
Transportation:
We'll ride in the church bus.
Day before the event:
Meals planned. Simple, inexpensive, yet filling. And don't forget something healthy.
Go grocery shopping; forget to buy drinks.
Make lists.
Transportation:
We'll take a church van that fits 15 people.
The Day of the Event:
What to pack:
Deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, hat.
Clean socks, clean shirt.
Make sure jeans are clean when you put them on, and don't think to bring extras.
(You won't need them. The black streaks on the thighs? We'll start a trend!
Quick! Everyone put air in your tires between picking people up!)
A super healthy giant attitude...don't worry, it packs discreetly in the driver's back pocket.
*(Make sure to leave humility at home)
- Cooler packed
- List after list written and marked off
- Gas in car
- Make sure household will not fall apart in your 30-hour absence
(because who ELSE would take care of it!?)
- Spend every waking moment on the phone, mindlessly (and prayerlessly) wandering around the house to make sure you're not forgetting anything... for a 30-hour trip.
- Mutter a 3-second "best-of-luck" prayer as you walk out the door.
Pick Up Time!!
- Run late.
- Forget something (most likely attached to kitchen sink)
- Go back to retrieve forgotten item.
- Run even later.
- Gather with group, even though you've missed the main group by at least two hours.
Transportation:
Now that you (finally) know how many people are going, to save gas, the decision is made to take personal vehicles.
Cram 7 adults in minivan. And cooler. And food. And bags. And blankets and pillows.
Adult driver, baby in car seat, and two teenagers in car. And everything else that wouldn't fit in van.
30 Minutes into the trip...
"Where are we going?"
"I don't know. We'll find out on the way. Someone has to have a cell signal strong enough to get online for an address..."
Dinner:
In case of emergency, break glass to expose brutal militaristic hustle and pace; scheduled efficiency... no one else got that memo?
Pray the entire way to the event for God to keep all the tires in our caravan fully inflated, intact, and protected. (Make it good. These are your only prayers during the entire event.)
Arrive late, but excited.
Leave early that same night, to ensure safe passage to previously arranged sleeping destination.
Shuttle adults, teens and pre-teens back and forth from event when vehicle troubles strike.
Get locked in... I mean, settled in. Calm the fears of pre-teen girls who overheard a discussion about "ghosts in the building". This may or may not include raising your voice. If you choose to do so, don't worry, you won't come across as an unapproachable, bossy, b*tch; at least not in your own mind.
Next morning:
Reveille to rouse the troops from the eluded slumber. (Drill sergeant mode works best here.)
Push everyone with unrealistic timelines.
(If you tell them the doors open at 6am, you might be there by 7:30am. But make sure you're prepared to endure the weather for 30 minutes when you realize you were wrong - a verbal "oops" should help you save face.)
COFFFEEEEEEEEEEEE....
Make sure you park as close to the building as possible. It will come in handy to have access to a cooler full of drinks, especially when the venue sells a 16-ounce water for $4.00.
Special Notes:
No matter how hard, no matter how much slippage you're fighting in order to have some semblance of control, it's going to go.
You cannot control when and who takes smoke breaks.
You cannot, contrary to military training, coordinate potty breaks.
Don't get mad, scoff, or roll your eyes when the younger kids sleep through the speaking parts of the event.
Make a big deal of someones "theology being wrong". It's one of the best ways to win friends and influence people.
You CAN feed 24 people out of the back of a minivan...it will start as mild chaos, but everyone will eat.
That being said, if you pack mayonnaise for sandwiches, DON'T FORGET A KNIFE, so you can get it out of the jar.
Seagulls do not like, and therefore will not eat spilled and splattered mayonnaise in the parking lot.
Enjoy the event, seriously. It's what you came to see!
Be sure to put yourself out there as pushy, self-righteous, bossy, and in control.
...that's how Jesus did it, right?
Right???
